Social Phobia

Help me!! I think i have a social phobia!?
SORRY THAT IT'S SO LONG.. SORRYYYY :( At school i am not popular at all. People don't tease me or anything. I'm invisible. People probably look down on me and think i'm so inferior- if they even think about me at all (which im sure they don't, not in a good way anyway) I'm unnattractive.. i have eyes that are too close together, a nose that is long, wide and kinda shaped like a triangle, my face is round and chubby and my hair is short, poofy and wavy. This makes me so shy and I try and try to be pretty so people will like me, but it's no use.. i have no self esteem. Ok ill go over my issues I am REALLY self consious about my appearance and exessively groom myself. I get depressed and start crying if my hair looks bad/gets stuffed up during the day. One day my bangs got blown around in the wind and i started sulking and called my mum to come and take me home because my hair was stuffed and people will think how ugly i am. I always think people are looking at me and judging me. If someone glances at me on the street (when i'm having a bad day) I feel like i want to scream at them and slap them and say "What are you looking at @#$%!!?" I stay silent in class and only talk to my close friends. I don't like letting strangers hearing my voice because i think it's boy-like. I dread and hate any social interaction with non-best friends and i never put my hand up to answer a question in class. My leg shakes uncontrollably in class and i blush ALOT. I NEVER express my opinions and HATE eating in public. I always apologize excessively even when i do nothing wrong. Once i breathed on someone and i was like "sorry sorry sorry sorry" and i blushed and left the situation. I always memorize what i am going to say and stuff like that. I never start a conversation with someone i know and i hate walking around school alone with nothing in my hands. Whenever i go to the cash register i always thinks that the cashier will make fun of me for what i'm buying or think im a pig if i buy chocolate or items for other people. Once i was had no pen to use and i was in a class none of my friends or anyone i knew was in and i went the whole time without doing anything cause i was too scared to ask to borrow a pen. I hate looking in the mirror and avoid it unless im at home. Oh and the worst part, i was sitting i front of the person i liked at school and i was dying.... the leg tremors were uncontrollable, my face= scarlet, my heart rate= 140 (i checked lol), i had that sinking feeling in my stomach the whole time. Oh the torture. There is so much more issues but i dont want to make it monster long. Have you been through similar issue? Help please!

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Whats wrong with my body?
Over the course of years now ( Im in my early 20s now) I have been experimenting with alot of mind altering chemicals. Sorry for my lack of wording but I mean i tooken medication, marijuana acohol and etc in all hopes of enjoying life more. Throughout my teenage years my mom realized I was acting different than normal. Was later suggested a phy appointment and discovered I had mild depression anxiety social phobia and A.D.D. I was given several of medications and therapy sessions to treat these behaviors which I believe caused nothing but permanent side effect to my body( trimmers in my hand, an extreme low amount of energy and lack of motivation to enjoy old passions and talents I once had). The cosistentently swiched me from different medications and had me on a mutiple amount at some times and they didnt even know which was causing which certain effects. now I have quit on my own and with my current new psychiatrists help due to the result of no benifits. When I finally made it past my highschool years without getting peered pressured to take drugs or acohol I thought I wouldnt never feel the need for them. As I got older I realized I wasnt changing to the person I wanted to. I was still quiet and shy and wanted to be more outgoing and live. I started making friends and seen how they were completly dif people under the influence of marijuana ad acohol. some were completely wacked and out of it but I wanted to use it a social thing.... I tried, and nothing. All that resulted was the side effects, not even that extreme such as mild dizziness. Lastly, Im almost embarrassed to admit this but I also took viagra. i dont know when it became that I needed ed pills cause I remember as an 18 year old with erections that could be confused as bar for removable weights. Now its like that off an 10 year old with A.D.D who cant seem to stand in line without getting tired after 2 minutes. So to make a long story short, it had no effect. I just want to know why my body has such extreme tolerance and wont let me enjoy the life being drunk for once or high. or just enjoying sex. can someone please tell me whats wrong with my body. I read something about having low testerone is the reason viagra didnt help but is it true and what about everything else i took.

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