Agoraphobia Anxiety

should i abandon my dreams because they seem unrealistic?
right now my dream seems unrealistic, out of reach and impossible to accomplish. im nearly 31, ive suffered a very hard life, missed out everything ; forming any relationships - attaining employment, getting qualifications - an education, all the basic things. i have a criminal past going back 7 years ago, been in a mental hospital. been homless vagrant living in the salvation army. i now have lived alone for 4 years, i own nothing in material possessions except an old computer. im on disability benefits as was diagnosed with bpd personality disorder , ptsd traits, iam now fully compliant with the mental health services and pushing for therapy, even though theres no resource for individual psychotherapy right now. i have agoraphobia, anxiety and panic problems , used to have aggressive outbursts and rage outburst years ago in public, where i would completly lose it in crowded places , lash out, feel paranoid, stressed, angry and jealous of others , lash out at people , pick fights with strangers , push people over , get attacked myself and hurt myself, get cautioned by police , ive been very lucky. ive managed the rage successfully for years and been pursuing help therapy. rage and aggression has been my number one problem throughout my life and its very difficult to control impulses at times. rage comes from being continuosly bullied in adolescence. now i hold on to my dreams in the present, they are what keeps me going, they are ;to move to a quiet part of spain or some place in europe near a coastline, find a wife , some friends , a computer job that pays enough, live a simple , secure life. but right now , as i wait for the right therapy, try to be there with a positive attitude, work on my self - my dream / goals seem a long, long , long way off and very impossible to reach.. i get lonely, disheartend, disallusioned, and the fact i live alone to with no social support network except my mother and 1 or 2 online friends which seem to have deserted me. i suffer very low self esteem, get clingy, to eager so its hard to form any friendships, even online because they reject me. i presently reside in england and it recently occured to me that at my disadvantages in life, i will never reach my ambitions that ive laid out for myself, and that maybe i shouldnt bother and accept the life i have now... so regarding these dreams, do i give up on them because im to disadvantaged ? btw - im not telling you all of this because i want you to feel sorry for me or treat me as a charity case , im telling it you so you can see the disadvantages in life iam at.

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Will the introductions of ID cards have any effect on my dreams and ambitions?
for eg; like keep me imprisoned in britain ? im sure youve heard recently about the eventual introduction of id cards ? and the world moving closer to a NWO government ? no doubt in society you see the unravelling of it now ? im just feeling paranoid and worried about it at the moment whether it will affect my dreams that im willing to work hard on, anyone know ? heres my life so far : right now my dream seems unrealistic, out of reach and impossible to accomplish. im nearly 31, ive suffered a very hard life, missed out everything ; forming any relationships - attaining employment, getting qualifications - an education, all the basic things. i have a criminal past going back 7 years ago, been in a mental hospital. been homless vagrant living in the salvation army. i now have lived alone for 4 years, i own nothing in material possessions except an old computer. im on disability benefits as was diagnosed with bpd personality disorder , ptsd traits, iam now fully compliant with the mental health services and pushing for therapy, even though theres no resource for individual psychotherapy right now. i have agoraphobia, anxiety and panic problems , used to have aggressive outbursts and rage outburst years ago in public, where i would completly lose it in crowded places , lash out, feel paranoid, stressed, angry and jealous of others , lash out at people , pick fights with strangers , push people over , get attacked myself and hurt myself, get cautioned by police , ive been very lucky. ive managed the rage successfully for years and been pursuing help therapy. rage and aggression has been my number one problem throughout my life and its very difficult to control impulses at times. rage comes from being continuosly bullied in adolescence. now i hold on to my dreams in the present, they are what keeps me going, they are ;to move to a quiet part of spain or some place in europe near a coastline, find a wife , some friends , a computer job that pays enough, live a simple , secure life. but right now , as i wait for the right therapy, try to be there with a positive attitude, work on my self - my dream / goals seem a long, long , long way off and very impossible to reach.. i get lonely, disheartend, disallusioned, and the fact i live alone to with no social support network except my mother and 1 or 2 online friends which seem to have deserted me. i suffer very low self esteem, get clingy, to eager so its hard to form any friendships, even online because they reject me. i presently reside in england and it recently occured to me that at my disadvantages in life, i will never reach my ambitions that ive laid out for myself, and that maybe i shouldnt bother and accept the life i have now... so regarding these dreams, do i give up on them because im to disadvantaged ? btw - im not telling you all of this because i want you to feel sorry for me or treat me as a charity case , im telling it you so you can see the disadvantages in life iam at. this is my dream : ;to move to a quiet part of spain or some place in europe near a coastline, find a wife , some friends , a computer job that pays enough, live a simple , secure life.

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